Monday, April 12, 2010

100 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Augusta National

(aka, Dani went to The Masters on Friday!!!)

So, M and I have a college friend who played in The Masters this past weekend. Graciously, he gave us tickets for Friday. We drove down to Augusta, Ga after work on Thursday and stayed at a friend's house. The next morning we had breakfast and headed over to Augusta National - which was like CHRISTMAS for M (seriously, that morning he woke up at about 7:30 and was rarin' to go). I, on the other hand, know very little about golf and didn't know what I was getting into - I just knew I was supposed to dress preppy.

Well, if you didn't know, Augusta National is the freaking creme a la creme of golf courses, and there are proper RULES to follow when you are a patron there. Like, don't bring in any alcohol or weapons or bags larger than 10" x 4" x 2" or hard chairs. BUT once you DO get in (and park in the free parking...which used to be a neighborhood, but they bought it to be a VERY large pretty parking lot) you can buy beer for about $3 and delicious sandwiches - egg salad, pimento cheese, the chub - for about $1.50. Yesh. These people aren't trying to gauge you...because they have more money than everyone else. They don't NEED your paltry coinage.

Anyway, during the day we kept coming up with ways to get kicked out of the course. It started really early when M wanted to not follow the path from Will Call to the security gates. The friend who drove us there told M that he should go ahead - and that we would tell him all about the day later on when we picked him up from jail. Ha!

Sooooooo here are just a FEW of the ways to get kicked out of Augusta National...

1. Have sex on the pine needles, or up against a pine tree.
2. Touch Tiger
3. Pretend to touch Tiger
4. Steal one of the turtles lounging on the fairway
5. Try to cross a fairway when the ropes are up
6. Skip in line at the golf shop or the concessions stand or the ATM or the bathroom
7. Fake your own press credentials
8. Bring in a toy gun
9. Clap when someone bogeys...or even makes par
10. Scream
11. Climb a tree
12. Try to go into the clubhouse without proper credentials
13. Run
14. Lie down on the ground
15. Steal someones "Masters" portable chair
16. Pick the flowers
17. Hide in the azalea bushes
18. Go swimming in the water hazard
19. Throw something on the green
20. Streak across the fairway

There are many, many, MANY more ways to (possibly) get kicked out, but there are twenty. There are even more ways for the security and other patrons to get really pissed at you (like climb across 10 people to sit in the stands for only one hole...), but I won't get into all that here.

Despite my basic knowledge of golf, it was a REALLY beautiful course and I'm very thankful for the opportunity. Hopefully this can become a tradition!!!

1 comment:

Britt said...

Sounds like lots of fun!