People are Weird, Especially When They Eat Out

I see a LOT of crazy things where I work. Things that make you wonder WHERE these people grew up and WHO taught them their manners. Because HOLY CRAPPERS people, on what planet is it ok for a crawling baby to CRAWL AROUND ON A BAR FLOOR WHILE YOU EAT??? Yes, at the bar there were four ladies sitting in a booth and having lunch, completely OK with the fact that there was a small baby (that BELONGED TO ONE OF THEM) crawling around the bar floor. AND these ladies weren't white trash - if I had the cash paid for the collective purses at that table, I could pay my mortgage for more than two months. For serious.

More things that were absolutely wacky:

- Guests looking at you like you are an ALIEN when you come to the table. Seriously people, if you didn't want to talk to anyone at lunch, STAY HOME or GO TO WENDY's.

- It STILL amazes me that people tell me, "I'm waiting on one more," when I ask them if they would like a beverage. NO SHIT SHERLOCK, I SEE THE MENU SITTING ACROSS FROM YOU. It takes every ounce of self-control for me not to say something very snarky.

- I understand that guests pay $2.25 for a drink at the restaurant, and so they are entitled to a To Go Cup. That is fine. I'll get you a To Go cup. I won't be very happy about it, but I'll live, especially if you're tipping 20%. However. Don't ask for a To Go Cup for everyone at the table and then tip 10%. That is NOT cool. Also, it isn't cool to ask for a To Go Cup and then continue to sit at my table for 30 minutes. PEOPLE, I make tips off turning these tables! Don't ask for a To Go Cup and then drink out of it at the table! Weirdos.

Easter Brunch

Let me start off by saying that I really really really REALLY need to study. My test is on Wednesday and it's supposed to be the hardest one of the semester and I don't really care and I haven't really started studying. Sigh.

Mmmmk with THAT out of the way - Easter Brunch. It was horrific. We opened an hour early this morning, so I had to be there at 9 am...after I closed last night and got home at 12:30. Meh. I wasn't a happy camper this morning! SO much that I'm considering skipping class tomorrow. It's covering material that won't be on Wednesday's test...and I would LOVE to not get up at 6:45.

Anyway. I had a larger-than-normal section on a busier-than-normal day. I had a 10-seater table that turned three times, and three four-person booths. That is a lot of coffee and donuts. Talking about coffee...I spilled a full HOT cup on guy today. In front of his girlfriend. And his whole family. I wanted to die. I wanted to cry and die and scream and cry. He was fine...I even offered him ice and he was all "I promise I'm not burned." I didn't believe him. It was amazingly awful. At more than one point I just wanted to leave because I was soooooooo busy.

However, I did make more than $200. But I still need a vacation. Thankfully I have something way fun planned for Friday...if the weather cooperates.

K. Now I just need to get M to turn OFF THE SOCCER HIGHLIGHTS so I can study about respiratory diseases and medications. BLECH. I can't WAIT to get this over with and move onto pediatrics and maternity!!!

Just a Few Letters...

Dear Cappuccino machine,
Please try and steam the milk, not scald my hand.
Love, the cute burnt waitress

Dear new (and mildly incompetent) server,
Please try and pay attention to what I am telling you - I am not talking just to hear myself talk.
Love, your exasperated trainer

Dear bank teller,
It is not my fault that the restaurant paid me in ones for the last two shifts. You have a bill-counting machine. DEAL WITH IT.
Love, the harried-looking waitress in the wrinkled Ralph Lauren shirt

Dear glorious weather,
Please continue as usual.
Love, the girl stuck inside doing test prep

Notes from the Waitress Twilight Zone

Sometimes I don't mind waiting tables - the fast pace, the human interaction, the nonchalant attitude that everyone has, the cold, hard cash that I bring home at the end of the shift - it's all very nice. However, some things are REALLY ANNOYING ABOUT WAITING TABLES.

For example, WHY is the men's room mirror ALWAYS spotty? Why can't men wash their hands like adults instead of chimpanzees? The ladies' room is never like that - maybe a few water spots - but in the men's room it's like they had a water fight EVERY NIGHT. Sigh.

ALSO, I'd like to make a general public service announcement. If any of you EVER are lucky and wealthy enough to own a BLACK American Express card - PLEASE TIP AT LEAST 20%!!! Sheesh. You can call a Lear jet to pick you up after dinner, but you can't add a few more bucks onto the tip? Maybe you got that card by being a cheap-ass, but now that you have it, there are expectations to be met!!! Grumblegrumblegrumble.

Lastly, if you are part of a large party and the wait staff has to add 18% gratuity...don't forget that they added 18%, and it's common courtesy to leave 20%. Sooo, ummmm, do the math.

I just had to get that off my chest. =)

Working Girl

I realize that I work in the service industry, and we are there to serve people - no matter if they are rude, cheap or unappreciative they may be. However, sometimes it's VERY difficult to be nice to your next table when the last one has SCREWED you on the tip. Sigh.

Example: Last night my first table tipped me 15%, then the second table tipped 10%. Next, a nice family of four was sat in my section. Two women got the special, the father had fried shrimp and the overweight son had a blue cheese burger and creamed spinach...and then proceeded to put the creamed spinach on the burger, along with the mayo and mustard he had wanted. (This post is NOT about the gross eating quirks that some people display, but I could write an entire BOOK about that...) They seemed ... grumpy. They just weren't animated at all. And that is fine. What is NOT fine is the fact that they paid with a $100-dollar bill (asked for change since the bill was only $67), and the proceeded to leave me $3 in cash on the table.

THREE DOLLARS. That is less than a 5% tip!!!

I'm not going to get into the politics of race at restaurants. It's nasty and mean and horrible. I'm just going to say that everyone should at LEAST tip 15%. Servers make VERY little money per hour, and tips are our livelihood. I actually don't make enough of a paycheck to have FEDERAL TAXES taken out. Literally I'll get an $8 check for two weeks worth of work - the taxes and medicare and social security are too high to have any money left over.

So please, tip your server.