Ungrateful

I’m feeling pretty ungrateful right now. Ungrateful for my job, my wonderful apartment, my really cute cat, the fact that I have savings and that I have enough money to pay my bills and college loans.

Sigh.

I have no clue what brought this up. I think I am just especially crabby since my mouth STILL hurts from getting my wisdom teeth out last Friday. I mean, I took three Motrin three hours ago and my mouth is still aching. UGH – it’s WEDNESDAY. WHY is my mouth STILL hurting?

And, I have a crazy week/weekend ahead of me. I am SO lucky that my friend offered me one of her THIRD-ROW tickets to Avenue Q…and that’s tomorrow night. Also tomorrow night (but I’m not going) are an alumni mixer and a ballet class I would like to go to. Then comes Friday. My two friends got married earlier this year and have decided to move to China at the end of the month…to teach ex-pat kids. And they are coming in town for one last night of get-together-ness. And, it’s M’s bday this weekend. And my friend’s bday dinner this weekend. And I don’t have a present yet for M.

Sigh again.

And I’m HELLA bored at work. Like looking-on-Craig’s-List-for-NYC-apartments bored. I’m wondering whether I should have gone after a publishing job (like I wanted but was terrified of) after college. It seemed like such bad timing at the time – M had moved back to the East Coast for me (mostly), my mom would have flipped her shit…but I heart books…and I really think the industry is nifty. I know I would probably be disenchanted with entire industry…and that the pay sucks…and that NYC is impossibly expensive… but it’s an adventure. I really don’t want to go back to school…what if I HATE nursing??

On top of everything, I’m kinda freaking out because M got a raise. He is almost making double what I make. OK, not quite double…but a lot more than me. And that makes me feel…insignificant..? I guess. I don’t know. I just have always paid my own way…and helped HIM out with his credit cards and stuff. Now, the tables are kinda turning, and it’s odd. I need to talk to him about how I feel…but I have a feeling he is going to completely dismiss it and say it isn’t a big deal. But it IS a big deal – right?

GROWL.